I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
