I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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