I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
