I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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