so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
