so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
