She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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