I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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