At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
