I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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