My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
