it glows. i had to have it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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