How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
