Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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