did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
