Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
