If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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