he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
