I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
