That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
