Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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