I feel like abortions should bother me more
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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