Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
