Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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