Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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