Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
