I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
