it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
