I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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