u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
