Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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