May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
There r osticjed everywhere
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
