Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
