I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
