Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
