my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize