there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
