I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
