they need to just BURY HIM!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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