Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
