why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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