i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
