I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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