either way he was missing a nipple.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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