Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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