I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
birth control should be required to get into college
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
