Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
