it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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