Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
