If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
