you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
