The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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