Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
My pussy is not your playground.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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