THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
