yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
