mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
