Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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