I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
