Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
