I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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