Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
