laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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