people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just blew my weed a kiss
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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