hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Sex in the backyard? Check.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
