literally had 100 drinks last night.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
