I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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