he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
