He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
