TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
