I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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