She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
