I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
