Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
