That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
