apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
