I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
