Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
