I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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