I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My vagina is officially offended.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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