I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
