I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
