bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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