OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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